Embrace the Joy of Play this Holiday Season
The holidays can be exciting and draining for parents, especially when challenging behaviors arise in kids. This excitement can lead to intense feelings in adults and children as everyone works on emotional regulation. During this holiday season, giving your kids the attention they want may be challenging. However, maximizing your time with them might be as simple as trying new skills while you play.
As a parent, your role in play is crucial for connecting with your children. Yet, finding the time and energy to slow down and engage as a busy parent can be tricky. The good news is that some quick and easy strategies based on evidence-based therapy can help strengthen your relationship with your children. These skills come from the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) model developed by Sheila Eyberg in the 1970s and have been shown to enhance the parent-child relationship when used consistently for at least five minutes a few times a week.
For this type of play, follow your child's lead. Focus on praising the behaviors you want to see while ignoring those you want to see less of. Keep the acronym PRIDE in mind when you play:
Praise: Tell your child exactly what they’re doing well or what you like. For example, say, "I love how nicely you asked for the toy," or "I love the colors you picked." Giving these specific praises lets your child know exactly what to do to get positive attention and will increase the likelihood that you'll see this behavior repeatedly. Giving praise to positive behaviors while taking attention away from negative behaviors can have a significant impact!
Reflection: Paraphrase what your child is saying. Reflecting what your child is saying back to you lets them know that you're listening and paying attention to them.
Imitate: Let your child take the lead in play. Avoid directing the play with questions, negative comments, or commands during those five minutes. Instead, engage in whatever activity they are doing. If they are playing with Legos, join them with Legos. If they switch activities, follow their lead. The key here is to let your child guide the play, and you follow along, showing them that you are interested in what they are doing. Your role is to be a supportive participant rather than a director.
Describe: Take on the role of a commentator by vocalizing what your child is doing. Provide a play-by-play of their actions with the toys. This shows that you are paying attention. Focus on describing what they are making the toys do, such as saying, "You put the blue magnet next to the yellow magnet."
Enjoy: Show enthusiasm and excitement while you're playing! This can be through words, such as telling them you're having fun, or gestures like high-fives and laughter. Remember, the more fun you have, the more your child will enjoy the playtime.
To try these skills, set up two or three activities like Legos, magnet tiles, coloring, blocks, or dolls in a space with minimal distractions. Toys that allow for imaginative play and don't require you to set limitations are best. Refrain from asking questions, giving commands, or making critical comments. Focus on praising positive behavior and ignore unwanted behavior unless it is destructive or dangerous (in which case, the play should stop). Practicing these skills for just five minutes a few times a week can significantly strengthen your bond and positively impact this holiday season.
