Managing Anxiety: Shifting “What Ifs” to “Even Ifs”
We’ve probably all been there – driving to an appointment thinking “What if I hit traffic and don’t make it in time?” or applying for a new job thinking “What if the interview doesn’t go well?” or ending a phone call with a friend asking ourselves “What if what I said upset them?”
Typically when we’re feeling anxious, our minds like to worry as it feels productive and as though factors are more within our control than they in fact might be. What if thoughts can quickly become irrational and catastrophic in nature and exacerbate feelings of worry and anxiety. They can wreak havoc and overstay their utility. These types of thoughts often stem from a survivalist mindset, making sure that we’re thinking through potential scenarios and planning out possible responses so that we can feel prepared. However, many of these thoughts can become subconscious while still contributing to feelings of anxiety, and ultimately not be very productive for us. So, what can we do about this? Enter “even if” thoughts! By shifting “what if” thoughts to “even if” thoughts, we can assert more control over our thought patterns and identify what may or may not be in our control in any given scenario.
Let’s take an example: You’re sitting on the highway stuck in unexpected traffic as you watch the minutes tick by on the clock, inching closer to that appointment that has a strict policy about being late. Your brain may offer thoughts including:
“What if I’m late to the appointment?”
“What if I miss the appointment?”
“What if traffic gets worse?”
Now, let’s try to reframe some of these thoughts using our new “even if” thought process:
“Even if I’m running late, I can call the office to let them know and see if they can accommodate my appointment later.”
“Even if I miss the appointment, I can work to reschedule the appointment at a time when there may not be quite as much traffic.”
“Even if traffic gets worse, I can try to find an alternate route.”
Part of the power of shifting our way of thinking about these potential scenarios is focusing on what is in our control in the moment, and playing out potential negative scenarios to realize that they may not be as bad as our brain is categorizing them. This thinking pattern can also reinforce being in the present moment, and work to shift our mind away from thoughts that are more past or future oriented which is often where anxiety can feel magnified.
Let’s take another example: You’re getting ready to have an interview for a job that you are passionate about. Your brain may offer thoughts including:
“What if I don’t know how to answer one of the questions?”
“What if I embarrass myself?”
“What if I don’t get the job?”
Using our reframing tool, let’s shift these thoughts:
“Even if I don’t know the answer to a question, I can trust my experience and also acknowledge that I don’t know everything and that there are things I would want to continue to learn.”
“Even if I embarrass myself, the likelihood that the interviewer will notice as much as me is very slim. Even if they do notice, it shows I’m human and relatable.”
“Even if I don’t get this job, I know that there will be other opportunities for me to pursue.”
So, the next time you find yourself having some of these very common “what if” thoughts, I challenge you to try to reframe them using "even if” statements. You can do this when experiencing anticipatory anxiety about a potential situation that has yet to happen, and in real time. This is a skill that, like anything else, takes time to practice and implement. You may find that this simple tool can aid in your ability to feel more in control of some of the anxious thoughts that so many of us experience. Happy reframing!
