There’s something about the start of spring– more present sunshine, warmer temps, and blossoming buds that spark energy and excitement.

It’s like a reset…a renewal…a revival, perhaps. A chance to reflect and revise.

For the go-getters, a chance to pick up a new hobby.

For the easy-goers, a chance to rest.

For the people-pleasers, a chance to say no.

Set limits.

Create boundaries.

Preserve your peace.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “That sounds nice!” while also noticing old, familiar voices argue…

“I can’t do that.”

“People will get mad at me.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.”

“It’s easier to do it myself.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

…this post is for you!

A Guide to Saying No & Setting Boundaries

Step 1: Acknowledge the “warning signs.”

Recognizing that something is amiss or not working for us is the most challenging and integral step. We need to be on the lookout for “warning signs.” When we’re over-extending our limits, unwanted consequences will visit us in some form or another.

If a boundary issue is present, you may notice “warning signs” like:

Anxiety
Exhaustion
Resentment
Helplessness
Hopelessness
Burnout
Irritability
Sleep Disturbance
Dread
Depression

Step 1 in Action:

You’re driving to work and notice feeling completely fatigued– you can barely keep your eyes open and your body feels heavy, even though you’ve already had 3 cups of coffee. You’re dreading the day. You feel hopeless that things will get better.

Step 2: Identify the “fire.”

Now it’s time to investigate what’s causing these troublesome “warning signs to” appear in the first place.

You can ask yourself:

“What’s making these feelings, thoughts, and behaviors show up?”
“Where am I when they happen?”
“Who am I with?”
“What do I need right now that I'm not getting?”
“What’s triggering me?”

We need to pinpoint the fire beneath the smoke. We need to know what we’re working to extinguish. What are the things that need barriers, boundaries, and barricades?

Step 2 in Action:

At your job, you’re overworked and underpaid. Your boss doesn’t appreciate you. You haven't slept well in months. You have no time for self-care because you’re always working overtime.

Step 3: Gear up & get prepared.

We’ve noticed the warning signs, identified the fire, and now we need to extinguish the flames. When setting boundaries, preparation goes a long way. It fosters confidence, composure, and trust within ourselves to advocate our limits and stand our ground. It helps us get clear about what we need and what we don’t need.

Step 3 in Action:

Try writing out the boundary you want to set. Create a script or “cheat sheet.”

Practice saying it to friends, family, or your bathroom mirror.

Create a plan so your actions align with your boundaries.

Step 4: Spring into action!

It’s go-time! Set the boundary. Say no. Honor your limits.

You’re communicating with words and/or actions– this is something I am going to DO or this is something I am NOT going to do.

Boundaries are not questions or requests. They are not passive or impulsive. They are firm, thoughtful, clear, and fair. Boundaries should make sense given what’s happening in real time.

Step 4 in Action:

“I will be leaving the office at 4 PM starting tomorrow.” (verbal)

*Actually* leave work tomorrow at 4 PM (physical)

Step 5: Stay firm & be a “broken record.”

When we set boundaries and say no, temptations to apologize, over-explain, and offer excuses emerge. They linger like a dark cloud over your warm, sunny, bright boundary. Be cautious not to compromise your values and needs. Stay true to yourself and be a “broken record.”

We don’t need to take responsibility for soothing other people’s feelings or needs. We’re only responsible for tending to our own.

Step 5 in Action:

“I will be leaving work at 4 PM starting tomorrow.”

“You can’t do that. We need you to stay for that new project.”

“I understand that and my contracted hours are until 4 PM. I will be leaving then.”

“But your team needs you here.”

“I’m leaving at 4 PM.”

“You’ll have to take some work home with you then.”

“No– I’ll be able to catch up the following morning when I arrive.”

Boundaries are essential. They help us return to baseline, get to safety, and feel grounded. While boundaries may feel contentious at times, boundaries come from a place of…

Love,

Commitment,

Sustainability,

Self-care,

And Compassion.

Boundaries work so you can maintain that relationship, stay at that job, keep yourself alive, and forge ahead.

Lastly, please remember to give yourself grace. Setting boundaries and saying no is hard work. Take care of yourself. Validate your feelings. Be gentle.

You deserve to set boundaries and say no, even if it inconveniences others.

Spring into Action: A Guide to Saying No & Setting Boundaries